hello world

The day has arrived for our sweet boy to make his entrance and boy did he.

The CSection went smoothly as should. Personally probably not my first choice in delivery, but to each their own. Logan whimpered a little upon showing his face but needed to have breaths given to him. The Neonatologist came over and told me he was not doing as well as we thought he would. They then put us skin to skin while they finished attending to my abdomen. The moments that followed were filled with the most gut wrenching sobs. I was watching my boy slip away. Or so I thought! Turns out Logan just needed some of his momma to kickstart his life. After being skin to skin, little fella started breathing “better” and his lips and face got some color.

The first night was a little rough. We had to continually suction out his mouth. Not much sleep was gotten. Friday he started breathing really decently, the Dr was very pleased. However, enter big mean seizures. It’s one thing to watch this in an older child or an adult. But newborns don’t know how to handle what’s happening, and it’s alarming to watch. After speaking with a KU pediatrician we started him on scheduled Valium to help with his anxiety from the seizures. It’s definitely helped. He doesn’t get them as often, and while they don’t necessarily get easier to watch, it’s less alarming.

He gave us several scares the past few days. Last night was the worst for me. Reaching my breaking point after days of no sleep, trying to recover from major surgery and the chaos of visitors. I spent several hours bearing my soul and crying every tear I had. Josh and I laid in my hospital bed cradling Logan while I read him storybooks and telling him about his family in Heaven and his family here. Assuring him he could let go and join Jesus. That mom and dad were ready. Just pouring every ounce of love and understanding my body contained into this purest moment I had with my child. Thankfully he decided last night would not be his last night.

We’ve tried feeding today. He’s not sucking or appearing to swallow all the time or at all. I’m hoping we talk to a pediatrician tomorrow and see what our options are with progressing forward so that he stays comfortable.

They told me I was medically ready to go home. But my Dr is allowing us to stay longer so that we may have help with Logan and hopefully maybe take him home on hospice for whatever length of time little fella wants to stay. Thank you for your prayers. I can’t even begin to express the love I have for this child or the effect his precious life has had on me.

Facebook posts…

(Just to give you an idea of what we went through those first few days, literally thinking every single day our son was going to die)

February 23, 2017

I think the end is near, please pray for a peaceful departure.

February 24, 2017

It would appear Logan is quite the little warrior. Several scares last night but little guy is still fighting this morning. Proving his momma wrong already.

February 26, 2017

The longer my little boy is with me, the harder it gets to remember he won’t stay.

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