downhill

We are on the downhill now. After hospice left yesterday we noticed Logan had a little blood on his lips. We called Hospice, and they believe he has an internal bleed that they can do nothing for. Apparently it’s normal for this situation. She also said she believes he’s having little seizures and told us to increase his Valium dosage. We are also starting morphine to keep him comfortable. His respirations are normal pace but are shallow and she said there is a rubbing sound when he breaths which she believes is his lungs shutting down. He has also started to mottle around his face.

He gave us one more day when we were for sure he wouldn’t make it through the night. I can only figure he loves us as much as we love him.

For this moment, right now, I’m holding it together. I know I need to take care of him and see this through. And I think that’s what’s holding me together. I have to be strong for him until this is all over. I’m trying to hold on to that.

I ask you to keep praying. Pray for the comfort of my child as he enters this final lap of his journey. Pray for peace as he meets Jesus. Pray for Wyatt to understand and cope with this. He loves his little brother so much. He has been the best big brother so far and I know he would’ve won awards for being the bestest big brother in the years to come. I ask you pray for Josh and I. For comfort and strength to push through this journey. We are angry. And much as I’ve tried to hold on to my faith, I am now angry with God. Not only is he taking my baby from me, but I’m made to watch him die. And everyday has not been a peaceful one. I take comfort in loving in. That’s the only comfort I feel.

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