One thing I’ve learned with my Logan journey, is that I need to start taking time to really enjoy my life. It’s such a cliche, but how do you supposed cliches were made? Somebody went through an experience that taught them something, that thought got spread into a current day cliche.
So much of my life has been wrapped up in the “what I have to do” and not enough in the “what I want to do.” I always have a reason for why I can’t go do something. It’s not that we don’t have the money for it, or the time. I felt like I had to be the best at work, even if that meant sacrificing a lot of myself. I had to be physically fit, even if that meant focusing most of my free time on it. I had to make time for Josh, Wyatt, the house, the dogs, family, friends and then Logan.
But the thing I’ve learned is, I don’t have to sacrifice all of me. Sometimes you sacrifice too much for what you think matters, but in reality your sacrifice is doing the opposite, it’s draining you.
Do I want to by physically fit? Yes. I want to be healthy. I want to show Wyatt the importance of taking care of your body so that you can walk up a flight of stairs without breathing like Darth Vador. I want him to live a long and happy life. But I don’t want to sacrifice everyday. If I only make it to the gym 3 days a week, that’s okay. It might take me longer to achieve my goals. Keyword being “goals” with an “s.” Being physically healthy is not my only goal in life. It’s one of many.
Do I want to be the best assistant I can be? Well yes! I thrive in my career field. I love what I do. But I’m starting to understand that I don’t have to be it all. I can allow others to carry some of the weight of responsibility on their shoulders and still be the assistant I expect to be.
I’m starting to understand that not every responsibility in life belongs to me. I have to let go of the reigns of control. It’s okay if I miss a few days at the gym, it’s not detrimental. It’s okay if I need to leave work early and let someone else be responsible. It’s okay if Wyatt skips a shower one day because everyone is exhausted from living life. It’s okay if I take a few hours for myself away from my family time to have fun for me.
The last one is the hardest lesson I’ve learned. Josh tells me frequently I need to spend more time on myself. I usually focus on them and everything else but me. Logan taught me that I matter. Maybe not to everyone, but you know what? That’s okay. One person doesn’t matter to everyone, but they matter to themselves and to a select few. Everyone has a purpose.
Since Logan has died, I have spent more time with friends and my family enjoying life like I never did before. Sure we went out to dinner before and occasionally went to a movie. But we always had an excuse to not fully enjoy life. And I refuse to do that anymore. The lessons Logan has taught me are a cherished part of his life that I won’t dishonor.