November 27, 2016
God moment: it came clear to me this morning at church that I’ve been avoiding God; either intentional or not, I’m not sure. This was the first week we’ve made it to church since finding out about Logan. I’ve been avoiding my Bible study, I’ve been making excuses not to attend church on Sunday. And praying very minimally and being careful not to touch the topic of Logan indepthly when talking with God. And surprise surprise, church today just happens to be on the topic of patience and faith. The entire service moved me to tears, but struck me the most was when the pastor said, “God wants you to have patient and faith. He is working behind the scenes on His own time and on His terms. Be patient for what’s coming and know he hears you.” How powerful. Even when I’m avoiding him, he once again parks right in front of me. I don’t want to cry and I don’t want to be sad. So I avoid speaking emotionally about Logan. Only talking logistics. Speaking with God makes me do more than be logical, and I’m not ready for that, but I’m thankful God understands. He’ll be with me while I wait and he’ll wrap me up when I’m ready.
November 30, 2017 (GoFundMe)
We got a call from the Wichita Maternal-Fetal Specialist today with some genetic results.
When Wyatt was diagnosed with Autism, we did genetic testing from him, myself and Josh. In hopes we’d learn more about what his future would be like. However, the results came back with a duplicate gene which he obtained from me. At the time there was hardly any information about what this duplicate gene indicates. The opposite, a deletion, would be indicative of some sort of mental retardation.
They tested Logan to see if he carried the gene. It would appear he does. What it means at this point, we don’t know. They sent the results to the team in Kansas City and were hoping the genetics team will discuss it with us at our appointment next month.
It’s tough news for me specifically. It has left me feeling inadequate. I have given this unknown gene to both my children. Both whom have difficulties and one who may not survive. It’s a tough reality to swallow. I know it’s out of my hands, but that doesn’t change the way I feel.
We ask for continued prayers. And thank you to those have shared this GoFundMe, have been praying with us and to those who’ve donated. Thank you, thank you, thank you.