day 5

Day 2 at home has been easier than yesterday. Hospice came out and said his vital signs are good and he doesn’t appeared to be dehydrated since he hasn’t eaten for 6 days. It’s crazy to think he’s 6 days old. And he’s the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen, aside From Wyatt of course. They also assured me I could shower and he’d be fine. Might seem weird to you, but since I’ve been struggling with simply going to the bathroom without him, all I do is lay in bed with him on my chest. I know I have to share him with Josh but I can’t explain the intense amount of anxiety I get not having him with me. And believe me when I say I take him everywhere. If you’ve never tried using the bathroom with your child in your arms after having a CSection, you’re in for a treat.

Logan has been using his tongue and appears to be “sucking” on his arm. So I started pumping and we tried feeding him with a syringe they gave us at the hospital, sticking it in his cheek and massaging his mouth. Our first attempt was surprisingly successful. He took about 2mLs of breast milk. He was very alert, for him. However the next two times we tried to feed him he only took about 0.5mLs. Small victory, and it gives us comfort knowing we are doing everything we can.

A little side note if you please. Please watch what you say to us or in comments. I’m sure you’re trying to be encouraging and positive and helpful. We’ve never made any decisions regarding Logan lightly. And trust me when I say we’ve done so much research and talked to so many Drs while pregnant and after delivery. We know the choice we’ve made. In the long run we believe we are doing what’s best for our child. Please respect that. We don’t find these comments helpful or positive or encouraging. They hurt. Simply they hurt. So please just be careful of what you say. This journey we are on is so much harder than you can ever imagine. It is a pain like I’ve never felt before. It’s physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually painful. Just support us. Pray for us. Don’t make us doubt the decisions we made. We already have enough doubt on our own. We’d give anything for Logan to have a long sustainable life. We’d hope you’d know that about us.

Thank you for your continued support and prayers. The donations from people we don’t even know coming in are absolutely jaw dropping. It’s a beautiful light in this world. And it reminds me that we are not forgotten. We are loved. This sweet little boy is loved. Near and far. I can’t say thank you enough

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